I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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