I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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