he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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