Having a random hookup so left but love u
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
