I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
