he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
