so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
