That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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