He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
