i may or may not be watching the land before time
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
