what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
