i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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