i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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