Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
