ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
