i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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