if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
