I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
