She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
