She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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