so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
