this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
