The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
