Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
