he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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