Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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