im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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