Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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