did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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