is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
