Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
