i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize