she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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