I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
