How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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