remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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