I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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