So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize