i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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