i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
