I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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