i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
