He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
