You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
