just come out here and I will go home with you...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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