he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
