Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
