i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
