I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
