I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
