cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
