It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize