My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
