Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
