I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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