Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
