i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
