It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
