dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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