so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
