So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
