"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
