Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
