I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
