I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
