so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
