You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
