Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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