just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
