or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
