yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
