My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
