you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
