I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drake has all the answers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
