From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
