Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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