wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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