please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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