why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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